Bawk Bawk Box

While shopping for possible candidates for this blog, I found myself mainly browsing the cookie section.  Somewhere between the cookie dough Oreos and ice cream themed Chips Ahoy!, a voice in my head told me to check, what I call, the baloney aisle.  Maybe there would be some new cheese stuffed chicken dog or bacon flavored colby loaf.  I don't know.  Unfortunately, the likes of those were not to be found this time around but... BUT...  I DID run into this.

Lunchables - CHICKEN SLIDERS

Ah-HAH!  This is what I was looking for and I didn't even know it!

I've eaten Lunchables all my life.  More as an adult than as a kid (hey, there's a reason why I've started a Junk Food Blog) and I've had my share of disappointments. Even amongst Lunchable's oh-so-very-low standards.   These, however, were intriguing.  When I think "sliders", I think White Castle, or catered fare, or Happy Hour appetizers.  I don't imagine children even knowing what a slider is.  I sure didn't. Why not call them mini-burgers?  Or just chicken burgers?  But then I realized that its not the child who is doing the shopping.  Its the adult making the buying decisions.  Its the parent choosing to feed their little prince or princess junk food for lunch.  "Sliders sound cool." "I wish I could have sliders for lunch!" "Wait! I'm an adult! I can have sliders if I want! And so can my kid, dammit!" "And a couple more sentences that end with exclamation points!"

So, the Chicken Sliders wind up in the shopping cart.

What can little Billy or precious Elsa expect to find when they open their "Lunch Kit"?

This:

Described as OSCAR MAYER Breaded Chicken (WHITE MEAT ONLY), Mini Buns, Ketchup (WITH STARCH ADDED), CAPRI SUN ROARIN' WATERS Drink (elsewhere on the box we are told it contains 0% fruit juice), and STARBURST Fruit Chews.  We are also warned:"to protect your teeth, only eat STARBURST Fruit Chews at room temperature".  Hey, if you're feeding your kids STARBURST for lunch, how concerned are you, really, with their dental health?

At 260 calories for the entire package (if you want fiber, you'll have to eat the ACTUAL box), this isn't too damaging.  But the chicken patties are small.  Even for a slider.  They are the same chicken that comes in their CHICKEN DUNKERS, where you get four pieces instead of two.  They are roughly the size of Chicken McNuggets.  The picture on the box makes them look bigger than the bun. They are not. No matter HOW you position them on the bun, you cannot get the same look as in the picture from ANY angle.  I tried.

Then there's the ketchup. KETCHUP!?! Do kids hate BBQ sauce?

Put the three components together and you have this:

Not too bad. After I took a bite, however, anything that made them look even remotely appetizing had vanished.

Disgusting.

So what about the taste?

No one asked ever.

The bread was soft and starchy.  The ketchup was sweet and over-powering.  The chicken was bland, though it DID have the texture of a cold McNugget.  Good enough.  I guess.

I did enjoy the Capri Sun (wild cherry) and the Starburst were exactly that. Starburst. At least I lucked out and one of the chews was a cherry one. My favorite.

The ketchup combined with the Capri Sun and the Starburst Chews make for a VERY sweet lunch. (17 grams of sugar - as much as in a bag of Pretzel M&M's) So pack a disposable toothbrush and toothpaste along with your kids super cool sliders.

I won't be buying these again.  If I have a taste for the tasteless chicken, I'll opt for the DUNKERS where you get more chicken and less bread.

So if you'll excuse me, I have to go brush my teeth. With vodka.

From the Lunchables website. I LOVE how they make the chicken patty inside the package look HUMONGOUS!