McDonald's Bacon Clubhouse Burger

Fast Food chains are always coming up with some new sandwich or other and it pleases me to say I'll be using this blog as an excuse to try every single one of them.

Today's entree is McDonald's new Bacon Clubhouse Burger.

As shown on McDonald's site:

Described by McD's as "Thick-cut Applewood smoked bacon, caramelized grilled onions, white cheddar*, crisp leaf lettuce and fresh tomato, all lovingly layered on a quarter pound** of 100% pure beef, then topped with Big Mac special sauce. Served on our artisan roll." At 720 calories, you may want to forget the fries.  Full disclosure: I didn't.

I've come to expect a certain quality and taste with all of McD's burgers.  No matter what the offering, they all seem to have the same basic taste, texture, and aroma.  This burger is no exception but it certainly tries to stand out on it's own as far as quality.

Before you even see the sandwich, the carton does it's best trying to convince you that you've stumbled upon something exciting.

"IT'S THE INGREDIENTS THAT MAKE IT SO TASTY" Ummm... what ELSE would it be?

Look at all that text! Look at the colorful pictures! There's even a mortar and pestle.  Now THAT'S class.  The box reassures that you totally will NOT regret this decision. Or maybe its setting you up for major disappointment.  I half expect to open the carton and see the words printed on the inside of the lid "HONESTLY, WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?"

That didn't happen, by the way.

Impressed with the plain white wrapper  for some reason.

The aroma was 100% McDonald's but the presentation was encouraging.  I have to say that it was the "artisan roll" that was the major selling point for me and, so far, it wasn't a disappointment.  The lettuce looks fresh, the bacon looks crisp, the roll looks soft and like a total departure from a standard McD's bun.  Is this McDonald's?  Then you see the seasoned beef patty.  There we go.  That's the McD's that I was expecting.  Don't go making too many changes, Ronald.

Let's open this baby up.

The tomato, however did not seem encouraging.

Still, not too bad. I was impressed by the amount of restraint used while applying the special sauce. A little of that stuff goes a long way.  The tomato, however, did not seem encouraging.  I love tomatoes but not when they're mushy.  This one could go either way.

Now to taste that bugger... errr, burger. 

I will admit that I made an audible moan of pleasure when I took the first bite.  All the flavors blended nicely.  I approve of the inclusion of the secret sauce.  It's that familiar flavor that let's you know you haven't traveled too far form the golden arches. The artisan roll was VERY reminiscent of pretzel bread (my fave!) so no complaints here.  I LOVE grilled onions, so far so good.  The lettuce had some crisp left in it and the bacon was perfectly done.  The tomato was, indeed, crap.  Mushy and mealy. Yuck.  lastly, the beef patty was pure McDonald's usual dry, bland, fare. I don't think I will ever encounter an actual JUICY burger from McD's.  It just doesn't seem to be on their list of to-do's.

The biggest problem with McDonald's is their lack of consistency.  I lucked out with well cooked bacon and fresh lettuce.  The burger YOU get my have a firm tomato but brown lettuce and hard burnt bacon.  But, hey, if you want consistency of quality and freshness.  COOK ONE YOURSELF!

For me, this burger doesn't warrant a second engagement.  I may try the chicken variety, though.  Grilled, please.

Bawk Bawk Box

While shopping for possible candidates for this blog, I found myself mainly browsing the cookie section.  Somewhere between the cookie dough Oreos and ice cream themed Chips Ahoy!, a voice in my head told me to check, what I call, the baloney aisle.  Maybe there would be some new cheese stuffed chicken dog or bacon flavored colby loaf.  I don't know.  Unfortunately, the likes of those were not to be found this time around but... BUT...  I DID run into this.

Lunchables - CHICKEN SLIDERS

Ah-HAH!  This is what I was looking for and I didn't even know it!

I've eaten Lunchables all my life.  More as an adult than as a kid (hey, there's a reason why I've started a Junk Food Blog) and I've had my share of disappointments. Even amongst Lunchable's oh-so-very-low standards.   These, however, were intriguing.  When I think "sliders", I think White Castle, or catered fare, or Happy Hour appetizers.  I don't imagine children even knowing what a slider is.  I sure didn't. Why not call them mini-burgers?  Or just chicken burgers?  But then I realized that its not the child who is doing the shopping.  Its the adult making the buying decisions.  Its the parent choosing to feed their little prince or princess junk food for lunch.  "Sliders sound cool." "I wish I could have sliders for lunch!" "Wait! I'm an adult! I can have sliders if I want! And so can my kid, dammit!" "And a couple more sentences that end with exclamation points!"

So, the Chicken Sliders wind up in the shopping cart.

What can little Billy or precious Elsa expect to find when they open their "Lunch Kit"?

This:

Described as OSCAR MAYER Breaded Chicken (WHITE MEAT ONLY), Mini Buns, Ketchup (WITH STARCH ADDED), CAPRI SUN ROARIN' WATERS Drink (elsewhere on the box we are told it contains 0% fruit juice), and STARBURST Fruit Chews.  We are also warned:"to protect your teeth, only eat STARBURST Fruit Chews at room temperature".  Hey, if you're feeding your kids STARBURST for lunch, how concerned are you, really, with their dental health?

At 260 calories for the entire package (if you want fiber, you'll have to eat the ACTUAL box), this isn't too damaging.  But the chicken patties are small.  Even for a slider.  They are the same chicken that comes in their CHICKEN DUNKERS, where you get four pieces instead of two.  They are roughly the size of Chicken McNuggets.  The picture on the box makes them look bigger than the bun. They are not. No matter HOW you position them on the bun, you cannot get the same look as in the picture from ANY angle.  I tried.

Then there's the ketchup. KETCHUP!?! Do kids hate BBQ sauce?

Put the three components together and you have this:

Not too bad. After I took a bite, however, anything that made them look even remotely appetizing had vanished.

Disgusting.

So what about the taste?

No one asked ever.

The bread was soft and starchy.  The ketchup was sweet and over-powering.  The chicken was bland, though it DID have the texture of a cold McNugget.  Good enough.  I guess.

I did enjoy the Capri Sun (wild cherry) and the Starburst were exactly that. Starburst. At least I lucked out and one of the chews was a cherry one. My favorite.

The ketchup combined with the Capri Sun and the Starburst Chews make for a VERY sweet lunch. (17 grams of sugar - as much as in a bag of Pretzel M&M's) So pack a disposable toothbrush and toothpaste along with your kids super cool sliders.

I won't be buying these again.  If I have a taste for the tasteless chicken, I'll opt for the DUNKERS where you get more chicken and less bread.

So if you'll excuse me, I have to go brush my teeth. With vodka.

From the Lunchables website. I LOVE how they make the chicken patty inside the package look HUMONGOUS!